When you’re in the trenches, everything about feeding a toddler seems a little unsteady, wild, and crazy. We’ve found that being able to distinguish between normal and problem behavior helped us tremendously–so we want you to have the same understanding. If nothing else, knowing your child is not really turning into a food monster, and that pretty much every other toddler out there behaves similarly, is, well…calming. In other words, you’re not alone!
One of the things we love about being dietitian moms is that we know what to expect when it comes to feeding kids at various stages—so we are not surprised by some of the frustrating things toddlers do when it comes to eating and we know how to deal with them. But we didn’t always know! We each made our own share of mistakes with our first children. Luckily by the time babies #2 came along we had already learned everything we’re going to be teaching you and consequently feeding was no longer a source of worry and stress. It’s our hope that by understanding what normal toddler eating behavior looks like (and later how to deal with this normal) you’ll be able to relax about feeding, be prepared for changes in eating behavior and implement the tips and tools we’ll give you to transform your little ones’ eating habits and enjoy eating together.
Here is a summary of the 5 very common, very normal, typical toddler eating behaviors:
- Toddlers can’t sit at the table very long.
- Toddlers have very erratic appetites.
- Toddlers are wary of new foods (food neophobia).
- Toddlers have a very strong desire for increasing autonomy.
- Toddlers have erratic food preferences.
Each of the 5 points above are explained in more detail in the sections below. Some families need more support when it comes to dealing with their picky eater. We will discuss signs of a potential bigger feeding problem at the end of this lesson. Let’s go through the big normal 5 first:
Toddlers Can’t Sit at The Table for Long.
When we’ve worked hard to put together a delicious and balanced meal we’re pretty tired by the time the table gets set, food set out, and we can plop down in our seats. We don’t really want to get up again for at least 20 minutes. But the average 18 month old doesn’t feel the same. She might want to get up within 5 minutes and go play. You may have experienced this yourself. You may have bargained and reminded your child that dessert is coming, if she would just sit still. You may have tried to get a few more bites out of her to buy you time. Perhaps you’ve wrestled her back into her chair several times before giving up.
The fact is toddlers have a very short attention span, are easily distracted, have a fairly small stomach and have a lot of energy to burn. These factors combined create a strong incentive for him to get moving soon after he’s started his meal. If he’s not particularly hungry, this behavior will seem amplified.
If it’s a family meal you might be thinking “but this is family time, not just eating time, she needs to learn to sit quietly and participate in our conversation.” A very understandable desire. With time and maturity, your little one will grow in her ability to meet this expectation, but as a toddler, that ability is simply not there.
Perhaps what you’re struggling with is not so much that he is quick to be ‘done’ eating and ready to leave 5 minutes into the meal, but that he wants to go back and forth between play and eating. Maybe he leaves only to return just as you’re finishing up and demand more food. Maybe he wants to take his food and run around the house to eat it.
Maybe your toddler is going through a food tossing phase and constantly throwing food down off her high chair and it’s driving you bananas.
All of the above is VERY normal and we’ll share with you several strategies for solving these frustrating dilemmas in an upcoming lesson.
Toddlers Have Very Erratic Appetites
Toddlers can be ravenous one meal and then seem to survive on air for the next two – or five! Meal skipping is the norm, rather than an exception. And this is normal. Normal. We can’t stress this enough. It’s particularly common for little ones to skip supper of all meals, but of course it varies from day to day. Eating barely a bite could happen at any meal or several meals in a row. Adina used to call her first child a breatharian…you know one who lives off of nothing but breathing air?
* Your toddler’s fickle appetite is not something that you have to change. It will happen on its own, naturally. One reason for this unpredictable appetite is because after the age of 1, a child’s growth slows down considerably compared to what it was before. Toddlers simply don’t require as many calories per pound of body weight as they did before.
* Another reason is because kids at this age are so busy, busy, busy. They’re still learning a lot and want so much to play and explore.
* A third reason for their normal erratic appetite is that toddlers (just like infants) are still very much attuned to their hunger and satiety signals. We, adults, often eat regardless of hunger pangs and might even eat past that feeling of fullness just because the food is there. Toddlers are not this way. When they hit that moment of satisfaction or fullness they are immediately ready to move on to the next fun activity.
* Finally, how we approach feeding sometimes can work for or against us. If meals involve a lot of conflict or parents are over-controlling, kids tend to respond by pushing back and resisting eating. We’ll address how to respond appropriately as the course continues.
* Lest you think that only finicky eaters are normal, rest assured that if your child has a hearty appetite, it does not mean he’s abnormal. Some kids do have hearty appetites from the beginning and continue enjoying the task of eating even as toddlers. The key will be in doing a good job of feeding, rather than expecting a certain kind of eating as evidence of all being well. There’s always a reason(s) that a child eats a lot or hardly anything and it’s usually a good reason stemming from internal self-regulation. Unless there have been struggles over the matter. Then it might have to do with the feeding errors that those struggles sparked. If that is the case, have no fear because this class will help you iron it all out. If that’s not the case, then this class will help you to keep up the good work and not create struggles where none exist.
Toddlers are Wary of New Foods
Between the ages of 2 and 6 years of age, most kids go through a period of “food neophobia” — essentially this simply means a fear of new foods. A child who previously would scarf down a bowl of broccoli may very well turn up her nose at most anything green. This is very normal and demonstrates a new developmental milestone. Kids at this age might not want certain foods to touch, or might prefer individual foods rather than mixed dishes like casseroles. Presenting some 3-year-olds with goulash or ratatouille or lasagna could be comparable to presenting the average American adult with a plate of fried grasshoppers—completely unappetizing!
Toddlers also have an innate predisposition to like sweet foods and dislike bitter foods. They also tend to look for predictable texture and flavor
This is no doubt very frustrating to you if you are an adventurous eater and enjoy trying new dishes often. But take heart, your enjoyment of these foods will work in your favor. We’ll explain why this is so and teach you how to cope with this food neophobia to maximize your child’s learning as we go along.
Toddlers Have Fickle Food Preferences
Your predictive powers about what your kids will eat will plummet drastically during the toddler years. The salad they loved on Wednesday, might not be touched the next several times you serve it. And then one day you’ll serve very beety pancakes to your daughter who isn’t a fan of beets and her enthusiastic eating will blow your mind.
Expect any of the following:
- Food jags — wanting the same food over and over and over and ….
- Loving something one day and not touching it again for weeks.
- Will try veggies while helping with food prep but show no interest in them at the table.
- Foods can’t touch
- Liking components but not mixed meals.
Because of this common toddler finickiness, it is futile to plan menus around what you think your child will eat. Trying to do so will lead to a lot of frustration and disappointment. Most parents only offer a food a few times before giving up (prematurely) and crossing it off the family’s food repertoire. We’ll teach you how to help your child learn to like the foods you want to include.
Toddlers Have a Strong Desire for Increasing Autonomy
Kids are born with a desire to learn and grow. Both physically, mentally, socially, emotionally…and with their eating. We all have a strong biological drive to survive and with this comes the desire to be fed and get enough to eat to meet our energy needs…and for kids, to GROW. But, when it comes to the developmental stage of toddlers, their growing desire for autonomy often trumps their biological need to eat. Typically not to the point of starvation (though kids with bigger feeding problems might risk it), but the need to make decisions about eating can over-power their hunger enough to drive a parent bonkers. This need for autonomy often manifests itself in picky eating, food refusal, power struggles at the table, or even skipping meals.
There is quite a bit of research that demonstrates that the more parents push a child to eat (or to eat more) the more kids dig in their heels about eating and want to eat less.
In this program you will learn how to make this normal desire for autonomy work for you (and them) at meals and snacks. You’ll learn simple ways to turn the family table from a battlefield into a harmonious place where everyone gets enough to eat and your kids grow in their eating skills. You will learn to take the right kind of leadership while giving appropriate autonomy.
Signs of a Bigger Problem
If you suspect that your toddler’s eating habits and struggles go beyond the “5 Typical Toddler Eating Behaviors,” your child may be what we call “resistant” eater. Here are some signs to look for:
- Limited food selection. Resistant eaters often accept only 10-15 foods or fewer.
- Limited food groups. Refusing one or more food groups is fairly common among resistant eaters.
- Anxiety and/or tantrums when presented with new foods. * Resistant eaters often gag or vomit when presented with new foods.
- Histories of food allergies/sensitivities
- The onset of feeding problems started shortly after birth
- Resistant eaters are sometimes diagnosed with a developmental delay such as Autism, Asperger’s Syndrome or Pervasive Developmental Disorders- Not Otherwise Specified. Some of them may also have a diagnosis of mental retardation.
If your child exhibits one or more of these signs, working with a group of specialists to rule out any underlying disorder will be helpful. Many parents start by having a conversation with their pediatrician who may refer them to an allergist, GI specialist, speech therapist, or occupational therapist specializing in feeding.
Here are some of the contributing factors compromising the child’s ability to accept food:
- Inadequate oral-motor skills, when the child may not have enough jaw/tongue control to chew foods.
- Sensory processing skills, such as sensitivities to smell, taste or texture that can influence food choices.
- Gastrointestinal factors can be a problem, when children refuse to eat the food that they associate with stomach discomfort or pain.
- Environmental controls. These may include parenting around food, such as allowing the child to graze throughout the day, so that he is not hungry for meals or tolerating inappropriate mealtime behavior.
- Medical issues such as food allergies or swollen tonsils/adenoid.
It is also recommended to see a dietitian to identify potential nutritional gaps in the diet and determine ways to boost your child’s nutritional status, often via supplements. A dietitian who understands “feeding dynamics” is ideal. We also recommend against feeding therapy that is control-based or puts a lot of pressure on a child.
Once the underlying issue has been diagnosed/ruled out and you have a strategy for improving his or her nutrition, following the feeding model we discuss in this class will help your child reach his or her eating potential at a comfortable speed. Some parents find it particularly helpful to connect with families struggling with similar issues. One such resources we recommend is the website and Facebook page of Mealtime Hostage, founded by a mother of a child with feeding problems.
Some questions to ask your health professional:
- Are they trained to identify signs of underlying issues such as GI disorders, food allergies, sensory sensitivities, oral-motor delays and refer to specialists as needed?
- Are they familiar with the Division of Responsibility by Ellyn Satter? Using this principle has been shown to minimize counterproductive feeding strategies such as forcing/pressuring food which can make feeding problem worse.
- Are they familiar with the Food Chaining approach? It is an individualized, nonthreatening, home-based feeding program designed to expand food repertoire by emphasizing similar features between accepted and targeted food items. Limited research suggests Food Chaining may be an effective treatment for selective eating disorders.
What can you do at home in the meantime:
- Sit down with the child and have a shared meal.
- Let the child select a seat where they feel comfortable and will be least likely to gag, choke or vomit smelling or being too close to offending foods.
- Have the child watch you eat a variety of foods.
- Reassure the child that you are not going to make them eat and try to create a normal, mealtime atmosphere.
- Focus on light, pleasant conversation and not on what is being eaten.
- Refrain from making special foods for your child at these family meals.
- Ensure that the child arrives at each meal hungry. Keep snacks to no less than two hours before a meal and have them at planned times.
- Consider supplemental nutrition as the child continues to work through his or her underlying food anxieties. This will allow normal growth to be maintained without the daily battles and fights. If the child is able to drink, a high calorie, high protein formula with added vitamins and minerals can be offered.
As you can see a lot of the frustrating eating behaviors of toddlers are developmentally normal and more or less a phase. You will learn how to cope with and respond to each of these behaviors as we move along in class. Even if toddlers with outside-the-normal eating behaviors will be helped by the feeding methods you’ll learn.
Coming Up Next: Feeding past & present and choosing the best feeding strategy for today’s environment.
Assignment: Eating as a family is the best way to teach your toddler about table manners, expose to a variety of foods and help acquire long term good eating habits. If you are not doing it already, try sharing a meal as a family today or tomorrow. Focus on connecting with your child and each other as well as creating a pleasant mealtime environment instead of trying to get him to eat certain foods or amounts.
Discussion: Share your observations from your assignment above. Feel free to also share: which of the 5 Normal Toddler Eating Behaviors has been most difficult for you? What meal with your toddler is the most challenging? We are looking forward to reading about your experience!